Movie Reviews. From the Hip.


"What should we see this weekend?"

"Will that be any good?"

"What would DORIEN SAY?"

... Here's what DORIEN SEZ.

Welcome to the premiere movie reviewer that JUDGES FILMS BEFORE THEY COME OUT! Armed only with a few previews and a crack-shot snap judgment, I bring you the most succinct, accurate, and cocksure film reviews this side of the River Wild... which sucked!


Friday, June 24, 2011

COWBOYS & ALIENS (July 29th)

I don't usually go for a movie like this: transplant an old formula (humans battle invading aliens) into a setting that will provide cool visuals (the old west), add an assbunch of CGI, and sell it as a summer popcorn movie.  But unlike such shit as Battle: Los Angeles and Predators, there's something that will set Cowboys & Aliens a cut above the rest: the Favreau Bump.

In this movie, D. Craig has pulled a Wolverine.  He can't remember his identity, nor how he got the sweet weapons hardware attached to his body.  Meanwhile, crooked old H. Ford is after him, presumably because their paths have crossed before.  Blood has been spilled, and Ford wants street justice.  But when a huge alien spacecraft flies down and reigns fire on this western town, vendettas are put aside and they join forces to fight off the invading hoarde.  But vendettas, like fine wine, only ripen over time, with a murderous bouquet and a violent, tannic finish.

While six different writing credits do not bode well, director Jon Favreau will hold it all together.  He is, after all, the guy behind the guy behind such classics as Made, Elf, and Iron Man.  Likewise, Daniel Craig will deliver the brooding goods like he knows how to, and H. Ford will tear it up in his second-ever attempt at playing a slightly unlikeable character.  Plus, with the likes of Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, and Keith Carradine in the supporting cast, some of the film's best scenes will be 100% human.

If you see this movie willingly, you will leave satisfied.  The creative team ensures a minimum level of quality, while the title warns potential snobs and haters that it is, after all, a genre action movie.  Only a jerk buys a ticket for a film called Cowboys & Aliens and complains that the characters lack emotional depth.  So take it from me, one jerk to another: Cowboys & Aliens is cowabunga and awesomes!

Dorien Sez: B+
Watch the trailer:

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