Movie Reviews. From the Hip.


"What should we see this weekend?"

"Will that be any good?"

"What would DORIEN SAY?"

... Here's what DORIEN SEZ.

Welcome to the premiere movie reviewer that JUDGES FILMS BEFORE THEY COME OUT! Armed only with a few previews and a crack-shot snap judgment, I bring you the most succinct, accurate, and cocksure film reviews this side of the River Wild... which sucked!


Friday, June 17, 2011


Despite a solid cast and a story that could be chock full of laughs, Horrible Bosses will go the way of so many other R-rated comedies these days: good lines and funny scenes will start the movie off promisingly, but overreliance on shock and crudeness, plus some real lowest-common-denominator shit, will kill this duck before she flies.

It's about three guys with the worst imaginable bosses who decide that their only course of action is triple homicide.  It's like Swimming With Sharks (in which Kevin Spacey plays a psycho boss whose underling kidnaps and tortures him), but less dark weirdness and more Hangover-style buddy antics: car chases! Drug humor! Sex jokes that will kill with ages 14 - 29!  And, in the end, it's also got heart.  Stupid, sappy, movie heart.

Now, don't get me wrong, Horrible Bosses will not be a bad movie.  It is, after all, from the director of The King of Kong. Plus, Bateman will do that thing he does and be pretty hilarious; Sudeikis shall provide classic moments; J. Anniston knows how to be funny; and K-Pax Spacey is always fun to watch when he's being a dick.  As for Colin Farrell, I'm afriad he will once again force me to face the awful truth: I kind of like Colin Farrell.  But in the end, the mediocre screenplay will be what keeps this movie in its class: entertaining but forgettable.  More Talladega Nights than Anchorman, more Lethal Weapon 3 than Lethal Weapon.

What this movie needs is a darker tone and a set of testicles.  When the lead characters of your comedy plan to commit premeditated murder, at least have the stones for them to go through with it.  But they won't.  After a slough of failed attempts and wacky situations they'll have a last-minute change of heart, and in the end they will emerge happier, a little wiser, but still the same gang of fun-loving friends.

Oh, and a word for Jamie Foxx: you can't be cool and funny.  Pick one.

Dorien Sez: C+
Watch the trailer:

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